The Heart of the Animal
(originally written dec. 1st, 2023)
Next year I’ll indulge in the heart of the animal in me.
I’ll take the long way around the mountain on the journey.
To the depths of the valleys that I always sink into,
I can’t avoid it so I may as well go through.
To the tallest peaks of every achievement,
I treat myself and put my feelings in agreement.
I’m experienced in panicking but better at adapting,
and yet I don’t change, my anxiety everlasting.
I end up staring at blank pages and the pencil in my hand,
overthinking how to start my commands.
I want to explore, to cry and scream and breathe,
I want to sleep for once without clenching my teeth.
I see fireworks, I smell like a bonfire,
my heart swells with ambition, I’m hyper.
I hear laughter, I taste raspberry champagne,
I’m grateful for every ray of sunshine and drop of rain.
I’ve mustered up the strength to make it through the day,
I feel electric, I’ll be more than okay.
commentary
december is my birthday month but it's always a depressing month for me and i wanted to get ahead of the curve and avoid that feeling as much as possible. 2023 was also a wild year for me filled with a lot of firsts, and i was really inspired to keep the momentum going. in theory, i love everything about december and new year's and holiday cheer. in practice, i probably have seasonal depression or something :v