hopecore + depression
i've been seeing a worrying rise in nihilism in the past year or so, but i don't blame anyone for feeling that way. the 24 hour news cycle is basically engineered to be depressing and anxiety-inducing. sad and outrageous shit gets more clicks, so that's what's reported on the most. however, a lot of people are stuck in that spiral and not enough people are trying to stop that spiral. venting is healthy, but that can't be the only thing you do to process your feelings.
i struggled with very intense depression for about a year, with symptoms appearing and creeping up for a good few years before then. i couldn't really talk to anyone about it because i wasn't taken seriously (because children are treated like they don't have feelings, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms), so i ended up finding ways to cope through tumblr of all places. i was obsessed with the studyblr community and there were a lot of resources shared around for managing stress and health-related issues and burnout, so i found a lot of advice that didn't stick, and some that did. the main piece of advice i took away is that depression is very easy to fall into. it's easier to be upset and wallow in it rather than changing your cirstumstance or perspective. my first step to recovery was being in the moment.
depression fucks with your memory if it's severe enough, so i don't remember much from that period, but i do remember from the tail-end of it that i very suddenly gained a fascination for bugs. they're the kind of thing that's everywhere (especially in Florida) but you have to stop or slow down to be able to see them. i would sit on the bus and at every stop, i looked at the grass and plants nearby and almost always see something flying around. eventually i made an iNaturalist account because i wanted to look for what lived in my area, and i just stumbled into a new world on accident, like i was lifting the rock off of a bunch of beetles and ants and isopods. going to a small community college enabled me to get out of my comfort zone, and through using iNat and taking pictures of random bugs i got a lot more comfortable just existing and not caring about who saw me and thought i was weird. i knew i wanted to be a biology major when i first enrolled in college, and that feeling only amplified with every bug i found! it's basically my brand and what first comes to mind for my family, to the point where they point out bugs they see outside and get me bug-themed gifts.
the point i'm trying to get at is that change starts small. i'm by no means an insect expert (though i'd love to be one, one day) but i'm not trying to be good at it. it's something simple and small that makes me happy, that i can do whenever. literally just today walking out of class, i took pictures of a cricket and a conehead (i LOVE coneheads they're so silly)! you don't have to take up bug enthusiasm, but do something small, occassionally, for fun and let it make you happy. maybe you want to watch a show (bonus points if it's with a friend) or learn how to draw or take up bird-watching and plant identification or cooking. they sound like scary, nebulous concepts but once you break it down and start with baby steps, it's not that bad. iNat is just easy because you can take pictures and the app gives you nudges towards what you're looking at, or other people come along and identify it for you. ANYWAYS
i mostly see nihilism about people dying, restricted freedoms, poverty, and climate change (which are all very real and serious issues, and it's valid to be upset about them), but that can't be what you think about every waking moment ALONE (keyword: alone). find people who care about the same issues, in person or online. brainstorm ways you can do something about it: contacting your representatives, attending protests, signing petitions, making zines or flyers, etc. anxiety and depression keep you rooted in one spot, terrified to move. your goal has to be breaking out of that feeling and doing something about it. if you feel like shit, make some vent art! write poetry! journal! talk to someone who feels the same!
i also see a lot of sentiments like "humans are a disease" which is a very ecofascist idea. it's my strong belief that humans are a species like every other species we share the planet with, and that humans are not a monolith. there's undoubtedly people with a lot of power who destroy the environment and bribe politicians and sweep stuff under the rug, but there are also people who fight to make the world a better place. there's roughly 3,000 billionaries right now, but there are roughly 2 million charities in the USA alone. there are people whose job it is to fight horrible legislation, to keep queer people and immigrants and disabled people safe, to educate people about horrible issues and what's being done to counteract them, to feed and house the homeless, to clean oceans, to care for the environment, to deliver aid to people who need it.
all this to say that: the world is good because good people are in it. the world is good because you want to be good, are trying to be good, are good. hopelessness is a valid feeling, but it's not the end of the road and it's not a solution.