bucking bronco
(originally written march 20th, 2022)
i’ve been getting ready for today since dawn
and never once did the rain let up
my hubris told the sun to bring it on
ready to pounce like a tiger cub
as i approached my horse like any other day
i wouldn’t dare look it in the eyes
today i would tame this beast and it’d obey
i’d be still and like dust, i’d rise
fear and guilt sat heavy in my gut
like a steel anchor for a wayward ship
i’d do anything to make this pony strut
even if i had to strike like lightning with a whip
i’ll tame this fucking bucking bronco
if it’s the last thing i’ll ever do
i’ll tame this fucking bucking bronco
even if it kills me, i’ll show you
commentary
i wrote the entire poem around the quote from a Maya Angelou poem: But still, like air, I'll rise. i also wrote this around the time where i was really into Orville Peck's music, and he's also the first country artist i've listened to. this was a convoluted way of saying i mostly just wanted to write with a cowboy theme lol.
this is about spite and determination, but also self-flagellation. writing this out put into perspective how much i tried to push myself with self-hatred, but that wasn't productive or healthy. i so desperately wanted to victimize myself into being a better person, student, friend, etc. but that never works. accepting that i could approach my problems in a different way felt like a goddamn epiphany. suffice to say, i like myself a lot more nowadays.