among the stars
(originally written aug. 1st, 2023)
my kitchen lights remind me of UFOs
reflecting into the sky through glass windows
i know space is cold but the bright lights feel warm
i hope the wind carries me away in the next storm
the moon pokes out from layers of clouds
i notice it as i look up the tractor beams and floating cows
i tell it about my day and my hopes and my dreams
and i can tell it smiles back at me when it gleams
it knows my fears and my fantasy of running away
it wipes my tears and tucks my hair on doomsdays
there’s no sound but i swear i hear gentle humming
i heard it at 10 and i heard it at 20, in the middle of becoming
every night i’m fleeing, with a duffel bag and a doll in my arms
i’m guided by moonlight, stardust, and the cows in the farms
every morning i wake with sore feet and messy hair
and i look up at the moon, i know it sees me, i know it cares
commentary
i wrote this around the low point of transferring to a new college. i currently attend a 4 year college (and am now in my 5th year) but i got my associate's degree at a small community college closer to home. i didn't know anyone, partly because everyone i knew from high school went to different schools or moved to another state altogether. the only sense of normalcy i had was with my online friend group of 2 years at that point (4 years by this point :D).
since i was a kid, i had an emotional attachment to the moon. i used to look at it and talk to it like an oral diary every night because i felt like i had no one to talk to. the moon was, and still is, my mental anchor. it inspires thoughts about earth in general and my place in the world. it's an existential nightmare to some, but i find a lot of comfort in feeling small on our pale blue dot. nowadays, occasionally i'll look up at night and just smile because i have people in my life now who i can turn to instead of talking to the air. i love my friends. :)